Anymore
by Quitealiar
Summary: Everyone in camp knows about the picture in Col. Hogan's jacket pocket. It wouldn't be a big deal if it wasn't clearly so important to him, if he didn't refuse to let anyone see it. Of course, in a camp of spies SOMEONE is going to find out... even if is the least subtle among them. Brief mention of death. AU
Col. Robert Hogan kept a picture inside his jacket. It was frayed at the edges from the hands of time and the hands that still occasionally pulled it out to look at it. The girl in the photo had wispy, dark hair and light eyes. Her face was frozen into the dulled look needed by the camera, but she was still clearly lovely.

* * *

"...my brother!" 18-year-old Robert Hogan glanced up at the source of the sudden commotion. A teenager with dark reddish hair and blue eyes was screaming at a group of smirking young men. A toddler with her hair held her hand, looking at the others curiously.

"And even if he was my son, that doesn't mean I'm going to do _anything_ with you!" Her rant continued for a while, lecturing them about assumptions and choice and -the clincher- threatening to tell their mothers what they'd said. The boys slunk away, still making a few half-hearted comments in her direction, but fairly cowed. Hogan gave her an appreciative look as he passed.

She spun towards him, long hair swinging out. "And you! I've seen you around, heard about you. What, you think I'm gonna get with you if you insult my virtue?" He shook his head, chuckling.

"That's not it, though I wouldn't argue if I had the chance," he gave a suggestive look. "I'm impressed. The MacCready boys don't scare easily. Considering the looks on their faces, you must be impressive, Miss…"

"Settler. Katie." She gave him a cautious look.

"Lovely name. And your brother?" She gave him a knowing look, but still answered.

"James." She reached out to shake his hand.

"Rob Hogan. You said you've seen me around. You have the advantage on me there, but you can bet I'll be keeping a look out now."

* * *

He lost it once. On a mission, changing for a disguise. The men had never seen him so worried- actually, they'd never really seen him worried at all. They knew better than to ask about it. He never acknowledged the photo if they were around, and they only knew it existed from times he hadn't been aware they'd been watching. Before this, they figured it was a naughty picture, a gift from some previous paramour. But they had others in the barracks, why care so much about this one?

Lost while working, it could be anywhere. He had a backup of course, but it was back in the States, and honestly, he almost felt bare without it. He wouldn't risk the mission over it, but he grieved the loss of it anyway.

Kinch ended up finding it. He didn't realize it at first, thinking it must belong to someone else. But what were the odds of two people losing pictures there on the same day?

He handed it back silently, keeping his questions to himself. The others did not give the same respect to him, pestering him for the details, but he kept whatever he had learned to himself.

* * *

"So?" Katie demanded when she hurried up to her boyfriend. Hogan was supposed to hear about the Aviation Cadet Training Program today.

"I'm in! I have to train in Texas for eleven months." Katie felt a bit regretful about his being away for so long, especially now, but she'd known about that before now. Ever since Hogan had heard about the program he'd been talking about it to her.

"Oh! I'm so happy for you! You have to go, of course." She wouldn't let something like this stop him from doing something he wanted to do.

"Yeah. Sorry, sweetheart, to be gone, but," He began.

"No, I understand! You're going to love it and you're going to be a hero, protecting our country. Hopefully, nothing dreadful happens, but I'm glad you're going to do good work."

* * *

One day, not long after the photograph went missing, Hogan had a bad day. He had been snapping and impatient all day, and he was sullen in a way he wasn't usually. It wasn't too strange. Those days happened to everyone, war or no, and the stress of the camp and their missions sometimes got to them. No one would have thought anything of it if not for the freshness of the last time they'd seen him so down.

Kinch had warned them this was likely to happen. He'd finally confessed something he'd learned from the picture. Apparently the date and a message had been scrawled on the back.

"It's her birthday." He sighed to the group. "From what he's told me -and it hasn't been much- this is going to be bad."

It seemed odd to be so worked up about that, but they certainly weren't going to question their superior officer. Everyone got worked up about something, and, with the weight on his shoulders, he had every right to a few idiosyncrasies.

* * *

Hogan kissed his girlfriend goodbye, agreeing to send letters throughout the program and making promises. She smiled sadly, knowing more than him, a rare situation.

She trusted he would mean well and want the best out of this, but she always was both stubborn and self-sacrificing and she had made up her mind. She could make the best by herself. She knew what she was getting into. After all, she'd basically mothered James since her mother's death.

If he knew, he'd insist on "doing the right thing," and she didn't need that. She'd rather raise this kid alone and miserable than force him to do the same. He wanted to be an army pilot and his program didn't allow married men. She would do it all herself. (All right, maybe she had some control issues, what's your point?)

As they said their final goodbyes, she rested one hand gently on her stomach, letting fate have a chance. If he was meant to know, he'd put it together now. He was smart and he'd definitely seen enough symptoms over the past few weeks.

He didn't.

* * *

Ever since Klink learned about the photo (gossipy guards), he'd been curious. He figured himself an honorable man, who wouldn't force a man to give up his secrets. Still, he wanted to know! Sure, he knew he had many advantages over the other man, but what harm could it be to have another?

After the latest disaster in the camp, Hogan had come into his office. He'd rested his jacket over the chair, and Klink had just the most irresistible idea. When Hogan turned away, Klink quickly rummaged around until he found the small square. Hogan heard and spun around, but it was far too late.

A toddler stared out the image at Klink. She had dark hair… like Hogan's and blue eyes. She was dressed in a simple party dress and settled in a tiny chair. The words "Beatrice, aged three" and a date were carefully written on the back.

* * *

Of course he'd found out. She didn't care, because by then it was too late. By the time he got out of his program, it'd be too late to salvage anyone's reputation, and she convinced him to stay there. Once Bea was born, there was really no point to a quick marriage. They both adored the girl, and were quickly learning to love each other. Then Bea started complaining of chest pains. She quickly developed a cough, fever, and fatigue.

Before long, she was wasting away before them.

* * *

Klink looked up in shock and saw a -for once- speechless and dejected man.

"Hogan?" He spoke. "Is this your…?" He trailed off, the thought almost unimaginable. This man, a father?

"Me? Nah, I don't have any kids." Hogan laughed it off, though it was far shakier than usually.

Klink remained quiet and finally Hogan shrugged. "Anymore."


End file.
